I attend a Bible study once a week. I enjoy it and look forward to it. It’s a great group of ladies and it helps me to stay disciplined about getting in the Word and having my socks blown off. We are reading through the book of John right now and our discussions are led by what impacted us in our time reading.
The subject of healing came up today as a result of the reading. My group leader and one other gal in our group of nine has an inkling of the state of my health. Part of today’s group discussion went something like this, “You know, healing is a choice. You have to choose to be healed.” Heads nodded around the table. “People get so comfortable being ill that they aren’t allowing God to heal them.”
I didn’t say anything.
This may be true for some people. But blanket statements about healing hurt my feelings. I wanted to say, “I have worked my butt off and given up SO MUCH attempting to restore my health. I am never comfortable with the way I feel and I never give up on God’s plan for me.” I also refuse to give up on my body (despite continued setbacks) and I have prayed with my face to the ground in total submission of His will and plan for my life. Yet I continue to battle a disease and I am not any less of a person or a Christian for it.
I know I have said it before, but my heart is heavy, so here it comes again. It is very difficult at times to be a Christian, have a chronic disease and be transparent with people. You can take away my belief in God and the same applies. It is difficult to have a chronic disease and be transparent with people. Simply because we all judge each other. When you add that I am a Christian, you add another layer of judgement–healing comes into play from a God perspective. It is unfortunate that it can make being real with people difficult and uncomfortable because of the association healing, prayer and faith have. The way I have been made to feel is if you do not experience healing, you are not praying enough or getting right with God. I do not believe that is true and say do not let it hinder going deeper with God or the people that do accept that you are doing all that you can do to make your body right. It is especially disheartening when judgement is passed by someone who does not know me very well or have a clue what God is doing in my life.
During the time that I was sick recently, I was on the phone with the mother of my son’s friend. She knew I was not feeling well. She does not know me very well, but knows a bit about my life. She wrapped up our conversation by saying, “You know, 70% is spiritual!” I had a moment and thought–did she really just say that to me?
Fortunately, I am secure in who I am and my relationship with my Maker. I know He loves me and His plans for me are good!
Rheum For God 