I attend a Bible study once a week. I enjoy it and look forward to it. It’s a great group of ladies and it helps me to stay disciplined about getting in the Word and having my socks blown off. We are reading through the book of John right now and our discussions are led by what impacted us in our time reading.
The subject of healing came up today as a result of the reading. My group leader and one other gal in our group of nine has an inkling of the state of my health. Part of today’s group discussion went something like this, “You know, healing is a choice. You have to choose to be healed.” Heads nodded around the table. “People get so comfortable being ill that they aren’t allowing God to heal them.” I didn’t say anything.
This may be true for some people. But blanket statements about healing hurt my feelings. I wanted to say, “I have worked my butt off and given up SO MUCH to care for my body and attempt to restore my health. Walk a day in my body with my pain and tell me it’s something you can get “comfortable” with.” I have refused to give up on my body (despite continued setbacks) and I have prayed with my face to the ground in total submission of His will and plan for my life. But here we are ladies and gentlemen, I’m still rockin’ a disease. And I am not any less of a person or a Christian because of it.
I know I’ve said it before, but my heart is heavy, so here it comes again. It is very difficult at times to be a Christian, have a chronic disease and be transparent with people. You can take away my belief in God and the same applies. It is difficult to have a chronic disease and be transparent with people. Simply because we all judge each other. When you add the fact that I am a Christian, you add another layer of judgement–healing comes into play from a God perspective. It is unfortunate that it can make being real with people difficult and uncomfortable because of the association healing, prayer and faith have. And the way I’ve been made to feel is if you ain’t healed, when then by golly you must not be praying enough or getting right with God. I say, not true and don’t let it hinder going deeper with God or the people that do accept that you have done and are doing all that you can do to make your body right. It is especially disheartening when judgement is passed by someone who doesn’t know me very well or have a clue what God is doing in my life.
During the time that I was sick recently, I was on the phone with the mother of my son’s friend. She knew I wasn’t feeling well. She doesn’t know me all that well, but knows a bit about my life. She wrapped up our conversation by saying, “You know, 70% is spiritual!” I had a moment where I thought–did she really just say that to me?
Fortunately, I am secure in who I am, who my Maker is and what His plan is for me. It is good!