It’s 3 am and I can’t sleep. Tired of trying, despite knowing my alarm is set to go off in a few short hours to get my boys ready and off to school. Head is pounding out of my skull. I hate it when I get migraines like this. This is when I reach for the pain med.s in the cupboard… With so much on my mind, I am hoping and praying that writing will help.
It’s funny how my body handles stress. I have come to learn over the past few years that I must seriously internalize it. I wonder how much of that has come as a result of the abusive marriage I stayed in for so many years. I learned to tuck so many emotions and stressors away in order to function. I notice now that in certain situations, I honestly think I am handling the situation with flying colors. I don’t consciously feel stressed or overwhelmed. But then I wake up with a migraine that is making writing right now next to impossible due to the pain, or I step out of bed and know instantly that my body is revolting in pain with every joint that could hurt yelling at me, I know I am not handling something too well. It usually lasts for a day or two and then I am able to return to my “normal”.
Stressors that I thought I was handling like a champ tonight and apparently am not would have to include the call we received today to evacuate our home due to approaching wild fires, the fact that I had to pick up my boys from their father’s home tonight accompanied by a police officer, and the two MRIs I am having done tomorrow. Now the tears just arrived, so I must be onto something. Sigh.
I hastily started packing bags for the family–clothes, toiletries and snacks. And as I looked around the house, I was at peace with all of it burning down. Hard to believe since we just had this house built and I enjoyed every bit of picking out the aesthetics. But in the end, it’s just sticks and stones and stuff. My family and their well being is really all that matters.
We’ve been in our new home for two months now. I survived (barely) the stress of moving. The toll on my body from heavy lifting, unpacking, and settling four boys in while still maintaining the home and making sure everyone was nourished and my husband had the peace and quiet he needed to work from home was difficult, but I did it. God has been AMAZING. Thank you, Jesus with all my heart for sustaining me, for giving me strength when I was weak, encouragement when I was down, and comfort when I needed it most. He is so good people.
I shared that I was praying about my neighbors and for my neighbors in my last post. God delivered. My next door neighbor on one side, whose husband was deployed in Afghanistan during their build is about my age, loves Jesus, has two boys and is super easy to talk to. Her husband is also home safe. Our neighbors on the other side of us have six kids and are Latter Day Saints. God put us together for a reason. This I know. I am not going to thump her over the head with the Bible. But I will love her and respect her and see where God leads us. She knows what I believe simply because I was upfront with her about my ex-husband and asked her to pray if she ever hears him peeling out of the neighborhood. And because she knows my children attend a Christian school. She and I have similar interests and she understands the demands of caring for a house full of kids. I am so grateful to have her next door. And I am so grateful for the children along our street. It brings my heart so much joy that my boys will have kids to play with. It has helped to make the move a really positive experience for them.
Overall, my body is still holding steady since my almost nine month long run with an antibiotic protocol in my attempt to manage my disease. It has been four months now since I completed the protocol and in the grand scheme of my disease, I haven’t felt better. I haven’t had a joint come under attack and swell in a year now. Wow….a year…..this is the first time I am realizing it has been that long. I have energy that lasts me the entire day if I am well rested, well nourished and stay on top of taking my key supplements. I notice a significant decline in how I feel if I get off track with my diet. And by diet, I mean, the way I eat that has helped take the greatest burden off of how my body feels. I also feel junky if I slack off/get sick of swallowing a million vitamins and supplements 2-3 times a day. It never ceases to amaze me. My mind feels clear and sharp. Praise the Lord. I have done a lot of heavy lifting through the move and in the process of landscaping our new yard and I have avoided any follow up visits with my neurosurgeon or any desperate calls to my mom. One of the MRI’s being done tomorrow is at the request of my neurosurgeon because he wants to keep an eye on my neck and the other is at my request since I have struggled with pain in my lower back area that sometimes shoots crazy, crazy pain down my leg throughout the day. Time to have a look. I have experienced this for three years now.
Hoping I can sneak in a few winks now before the alarm goes off and hoping that writing has helped to alleviate any stress. Not looking forward to how the lack of sleep is going to treat me tomorrow. Praying this finds each of you blessed.