A Late Night Approach

It’s 3 am and I can’t sleep. Tired of trying, despite knowing my alarm is set to go off in a few short hours to get my boys ready and off to school. Head is pounding out of my skull. I hate it when I get migraines like this. This is when I reach for the pain med.s in the cupboard… With so much on my mind, I am hoping and praying that writing will help.

It’s funny how my body handles stress. I have come to learn over the past few years that I must seriously internalize it. I wonder how much of that has come as a result of the abusive marriage I stayed in for so many years. I learned to tuck so many emotions and stressors away in order to function. I notice now that in certain situations, I honestly think I am handling the situation with flying colors. I don’t consciously feel stressed or overwhelmed. But then I wake up with a migraine that is making writing right now next to impossible due to the pain, or I step out of bed and know instantly that my body is revolting in pain with every joint that could hurt yelling at me, I know I am not handling something too well. It usually lasts for a day or two and then I am able to return to my “normal”.

Stressors that I thought I was handling like a champ tonight and apparently am not would have to include the call we received today to evacuate our home due to approaching wild fires, the fact that I had to pick up my boys from their father’s home tonight accompanied by a police officer, and the two MRIs I am having done tomorrow. Now the tears just arrived, so I must be onto something. Sigh.

I hastily started packing bags for the family–clothes, toiletries and snacks. And as I looked around the house, I was at peace with all of it burning down. Hard to believe since we just had this house built and I enjoyed every bit of picking out the aesthetics. But in the end, it’s just sticks and stones and stuff. My family and their well being is really all that matters.

We’ve been in our new home for two months now. I survived (barely) the stress of moving. The toll on my body from heavy lifting, unpacking, and settling four boys in while still maintaining the home and making sure everyone was nourished and my husband had the peace and quiet he needed to work from home was difficult, but I did it. God has been AMAZING. Thank you, Jesus with all my heart for sustaining me, for giving me strength when I was weak, encouragement when I was down, and comfort when I needed it most. He is so good people.

I shared that I was praying about my neighbors and for my neighbors in my last post. God delivered. My next door neighbor on one side, whose husband was deployed in Afghanistan during their build is about my age, loves Jesus, has two boys and is super easy to talk to. Her husband is also home safe. Our neighbors on the other side of us have six kids and are Latter Day Saints. God put us together for a reason. This I know. I am not going to thump her over the head with the Bible. But I will love her and respect her and see where God leads us. She knows what I believe simply because I was upfront with her about my ex-husband and asked her to pray if she ever hears him peeling out of the neighborhood. And because she knows my children attend a Christian school. She and I have similar interests and she understands the demands of caring for a house full of kids. I am so grateful to have her next door. And I am so grateful for the children along our street. It brings my heart so much joy that my boys will have kids to play with. It has helped to make the move a really positive experience for them.

Overall, my body is still holding steady since my almost nine month long run with an antibiotic protocol in my attempt to manage my disease. It has been four months now since I completed the protocol and in the grand scheme of my disease, I haven’t felt better. I haven’t had a joint come under attack and swell in a year now. Wow….a year…..this is the first time I am realizing it has been that long. I have energy that lasts me the entire day if I am well rested, well nourished and stay on top of taking my key supplements. I notice a significant decline in how I feel if I get off track with my diet. And by diet, I mean, the way I eat that has helped take the greatest burden off of how my body feels. I also feel junky if I slack off/get sick of swallowing a million vitamins and supplements 2-3 times a day. It never ceases to amaze me. My mind feels clear and sharp. Praise the Lord. I have done a lot of heavy lifting through the move and in the process of landscaping our new yard and I have avoided any follow up visits with my neurosurgeon or any desperate calls to my mom. One of the MRI’s being done tomorrow is at the request of my neurosurgeon because he wants to keep an eye on my neck and the other is at my request since I have struggled with pain in my lower back area that sometimes shoots crazy, crazy pain down my leg throughout the day. Time to have a look. I have experienced this for three years now.

Hoping I can sneak in a few winks now before the alarm goes off and hoping that writing has helped to alleviate any stress. Not looking forward to how the lack of sleep is going to treat me tomorrow. Praying this finds each of you blessed.


13 thoughts on “A Late Night Approach

  1. I have been up since 3 am dealing with similar pain and anxieties. The weather is cooling down so my joints are not thrilled with the colder temps and the barometer readings/changes. Life has also been challenging these days for me as well. I am leaning on my faith to help me through. In the end, God always stand with us and he is always waiting for us to lean on him. I am sorry that you are dealing with all these things, but rough periods are a part of life – trust me, I know. And the emotions, they find us when we least expect them too. (((HUGS))). We will be okay though. I am glad that your protocol therapy was good for you. I am also glad that you are finding peace among all the chaos. You and your family have been through a lot so pat yourself on the back for that. You and I have different religious beliefs but we both know how important it is to lean on God especially when life hurts. Our beliefs are our strengths so when God sends you people to share with beliefs with, you are very blessed.

    • There is nothing like a little love from Lana to start the day! So happy to hear from you! Think of you often. Have not had a chance to sit down and catch up on my favorite bloggers in some time now. I will be praying for peace for you today. Thank you for the encouragement. You are such a treasured friend to me. Have a beautiful day. Much love and hugs to you!

    • Megan!

      I am so sorry for not finishing my post by mentioning that they were eventually able to contain the fires. Guess major details get left out when I write in the middle of the night! Need to check on your blog. So, so wonderful to hear from you! Thank you so much for your prayers. We were watching from one street over and would check the fires from time to time–noting where they were spreading each time. And once I saw that it appeared under control and hadn’t spread since our last check, I was praising the Lord! So, all is well. There were five homes that were lost, which is awful, but nothing compared to the loss of homes that happened about an hour and a half from us due to fire. Hundreds and hundreds of people have recently lost their homes. So many heart breaking stories coming from people at our church that have gone to help.

  2. Oh my word! Tell me you still have a house! I think you are handling things very well…I’m sure I’d have a lot worse than a migraine if I were in your shoes right now 🙂 I think our personalities are very similar and I think we internalize a lot. I’m going to read this book called When The Body Says No. I’ve always wondered about the connection of my RA with the way I deal with stress. I think my body is trying to tell me something! I need to learn this “something” before it kills me 🙂 Best wishes to you and I will pray for you…just don’t thump me with the Bible! I have to laugh because (like your neighbor) I am also LDS!

    • Great to hear from you! House is intact thankfully! 🙂 Book you mentioned has me interested. Would love to hear what you think when you are done reading. I don’t believe that stress was the sole cause of my inflammatory arthritis (or I wouldn’t have tried AP therapy–and believe I wouldn’t have seen results if it were), but I know for certain that stress sure does tick my body off and send it in crazy directions some days. Thank you so much for your prayers. Neat to know you are LDS. Don’t worry–no Bible thumping. 🙂 I just try to share what’s on my heart and respect that not everyone believes what I do. Hope you and your family are doing well.

  3. I get into periods where I don’t sleep well, I don’t know if it has anything to do with it but I blame it on the RA. I never had a problem sleeping pre RA days. My best friend that I ride with has severe migraines. We are quite a pair, we plan several rides a year but they always hinge on if my RA and his headaches allow us to ride.

    I was worried when reading about the fires and your house but after reading through the comments trust that everyone and everything is alright now. You have been through a lot recently, glad to hear your joints are cooperating. Also good to hear you have energy, man what I would give to have some of that every once in a while. Hang in there, I believe the worst is behind you now.

    • Sweet woman from a distant land!! How are you??!! So wonderful to hear from you. Have thought about you a lot since your post about having to take the biologic plunge. I bawled my eyes out when I read your post. I hated reading about how much you hurt, especially knowing how hard you work to eat well and be proactive about your body. Tearing up just thinking about it. Such a frustrating race we are running sometimes. You are loved and in my prayers, and I pray you have found great relief with it.

      I posted a new AP journal entry the other day (finally!) if curious about how my body is behaving. Someday, I hope to post more. Right now, I spend the little free time I have at night to scour the internet for inspiration for our home–and for great deals! I like a bargain! I’m a bit obsessed with interior design. 🙂 Moving into our new home has awakened something within me and I am loving it!! Hope you have a beautiful weekend!

  4. Hi there! After you commented on my post I had to check out your story. Wow. You’ve been through a lot, too! You have such a positive attitude considering all you are going through. I know exactly how you feel when it comes to the pain and I don’t know what happened with your ex but sounds like one day soon I’ll be in the same boat. :/ It’s not in my blog but after only 6 months of marriage we have been having problems for about 5 of those months. As you know I have several disabilities and he doesn’t help with the kids or anything around the house knowing I’m in extreme pain ALL the time. Hes literally addicted to video games so when hes not working that’s ALL he does all day everyday. Ive tried everything and I don’t know what else to do. I know he loves me but he’d rather play games than spend time with me or the kids. And sorry if this is innappropriate but he hasn’t touched me in months. Literally twice in 6 months. Sorry. I’m venting. Anyway I’m glad you are feeling better. Ive never heard of antibiotic treatment. Hope things are good and you have a great Christmas! I am so glad your house didn’t get affected by the fires! Oh and what kind of diet are you on for the RA? Gluten free? I keep hearing about that. I’m willing to try anything for my inflammation and fatigue! And I don’t know if you saw my response to your comment on my blog but you really made my night when I wasn’t having a great day! You’re a strong and sweet person!

    • Great to hear from you, Julie! You can vent all you want! Your story breaks my heart. No help from your man? Minimal touching? That is awful. 😦 I’m so, so sorry.

      As far as my diet, I stay away from most grains. I have brown rice or quinoa occasionally, but stay far away from any kind of bread–gluten free or not. I have found that I feel tremendously better (less inflammation, more energy, happier skin) if I steer clear of grains. Wheat is my nemesis. Being dairy free has also treated my body well. I still use butter for cooking. But that’s the extent of it. I eat a lot of protein and whole foods and supplement with fish oil, probiotics, multi-vitamins, etc. I stay away from processed food and cook everything I eat at home from scratch. Eating out is like gambling. Sometimes I fare well, other times I flare due to the cheap oils and preservatives used. And sugar might as well be called crack and labeled with a warning label on all food packaging. Who doesn’t love sugar–including cancer cells!

      The Road Back website is a good place to research antibiotic therapy if you want to read about the experiences that people other than myself have had with it. Such a supportive bunch on that site.

      Merry Christmas to you and your family!! You have come to my mind and prayers this past week. Thanks for stopping by!

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